COMPETITION
My middle daughter has been in gymnastics since she was in diapers, and this past weekend after years of dedication and 9 hours per week of workouts, she finally earned the opportunity to go to her first major competition.
Like any good mom (wink, wink) I told her we wanted her to go there and have fun. This wasn't about her scores, but instead we wanted her to enjoy the experience and see what it's all about. She did a good job, got most of her skills, showed a lot of composure in front of a roaring crowd, and man did she look fantastic! (Who knew hair was such a big deal. I spent 45 minutes getting it right! I'm certain she deserved a medal for cute.) As for scores--they were okay.
When the meet was over, I ran to her, ready to lavish her with praise. She greets me with wide, concerned eyes and says, "You were wrong, mom. We were supposed to care about our scores."
Gulp.
At six years old, she knows. She gets it. After dedicating herself to her sport, it wasn't all about having fun. We don't spend nearly as much time on something if it's simply for fun. No, it really was (to her thinking) about scores and placing and seeing a reward for her years of commitment. (In reality, I really had wanted her to spend this meet getting used to the atmosphere. I'm not a high-pressure mom. But what do I know?)
What do you say about competition in life? Is it really about enjoying the journey? Or, like me, do you think the journey becomes a lot less fun if results aren't achieved?
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7 comments:
I just read an article via Jill Kemerer's blog about Chinese parenting. I was blown away at the rigor, the mindset, the focus.
And I thought: I would HATE that. As the mom and as the kid.
That being said, with my son in basketball this year, I did tell him I wasn't hauling his butt all over SE MN so he could 'hang with the boys.' I expected him to listen to his coaches, put forth effort to learn and get better, and when his number was called, get his butt in the game and play hard. He's not a starter, but he's getting better, and he's playing more, and he's having a great time.
But he's almost 15. At six, I think I'd have wanted him to test the water, get the feel of things, etc.
Is the journey wasted if we don't get the results we want when we want them? I guess it depends on what we accomplish along the way. What we learn and how we let it change us. Do we regret the journey?
Maybe it's like all of life. There are some things I wouldn't have done if I had known how it was going to turn out, but God doesn't show us in advance. And He's big enough to use the hard stuff in our lives to mold us to be more like Him...if we let him...I struggle with that part.
That's a tough question, and one that can spark great conversation. In my eyes, 6 is a little young to be concerned about the scores and competition. The stress of that just seems too intense, and I don't think that at 6, that stress comes solely from the child. Lots of parents are behind the competitive spirit. I like your laid-back approach much better, to enjoy the journey now.
I really struggle with that part too, Erica. Truly. At least we know the hard parts aren't wasted. It's like making chicken stock out of a gnawed on, leftover bone.
Most likely I will blog on the book mentioned in Jill's blog on Wednesday. After reading it, I have a lot to say!
Joanne, I hope hope hope I am not giving her the impression that scores are the be-all, end-all. That said, I was raised in a competitive family (by a football coach, no less)so it's not entirely out of the question that some of her feelings are absorbed in the family atmosphere.
I think we should strive for perfection in our work, but we also have to have fun along the way. I came across a discussion by Himself's karate. It's the Japanese concept of Wabi Sabi. Simplified: Nothing is perfect, nothing is finished, nothing is permanent. I found the concept very freeing in my art work. It's more about the personal growth and the journey than the scores. It's probably a concept that becomes more clear with age and maturity.
I applaud you for pointing out to your daughter to absorb the experience.
CJ, you make a great point about personal growth. That's the reason we started the kids in a sport so young. Not because we figured they'd be going to the Olympics ;) The attributes I hope they develop are learning to be poised in front of an audience, overcoming nerves, and hard work and discipline. I suppose the same could be applied to any of us.
Tough question. For kids, it should be about enjoying the journey. Awards and applause are just icing on the cake, but when it stops being fun, they should stop! My son did a year of competitive gymnastics, and placed every competition...because he was the only one competing in his age and skill level. Now that's NOT fun especially with all the time and money he put into practicing. We ended up not competing and he still had a blast and learned more than if he had to stay in his skill level. So even if you get the prize, doesn't mean you'll be happy! I'm learning that AND that who says the journey has to be fun? It can has it's moments, but isn't a journey about getting you some place. Some place better, hopefully, and anyone who's traveled knows that takes time...sometimes the best destinations take the longest to get there. Hey, think I just wrote my next post! ;)
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