FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!
A great debate has arisen online, and since I'm a mom I had to jump in.
Many of you may have seen the Wall Street Journal article "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior." It's an article which cobbles together excerpts from the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, by Amy Chua. The article highlights how Chinese parents raise stereotypically successful children, with strictness, discipline, and multiple years of hard work. Chua details all the things her children were not allowed to do (sleepovers, plays, get anything less than A's) and she also details the battles between her and the children if the rules were even slightly bent.
The backlash to the story has been huge. The author has received threats and people have called her a multiplicity of names, most of them not nice. After all, how can a mother claim to love her children, but deprive them of basic childhood enjoyment? How can a mother say she loves her kids but drive them relentlessly using ugly tactics?
Needless to say, I HAD to buy the book.
I came away with a few different conclusions, the first one being that the WSJ article only put together the most controversial parts to produce huge publicity. (That, in itself, could be a blog post.) Also, the book, taken as a whole, is about Chua's journey as a parent and the way she starts out isn't necessarily the way she finishes. I found myself laughing and groaning, and experiencing a range of emotions and self-examination. The bottom line: I agree with the "why" of "Chinese" parenting, but not the "how."
A few points that Chua made that will stick with me:
*Skills/activities/etc are not fun until you get good at them, and you can't get good at them unless you devote yourself to developing them. It takes countless hours (read, years) to truly develop a skill. Most people refuse to develop past the not-fun part in order to get to the fun-part. They give up too soon.
*Loving something doesn't mean you'll ever be great at it. "Not if you don't work. Most people stink at the things they love." LOL, it sounds harsh, but there is a nugget of truth. How many people are willing to dedicate themselves to learning what they love backwards, forwards, inside and out? It's a lesson I could stand to learn for myself.
On the whole, I am a "Western" parent (Chua's phrasing) because I don't drive my children. I would never, for example, make them practice while on vacation or belittle my children if they make mistakes. Name calling would never be acceptable. But I can take a position of assuming my children (and myself) can grow from constructive criticism in order to improve, rather than tip-toeing around because we are too fragile to handle the truth.
What kind of parent are you? In general (not just parenting-wise) are you laid back, or do you commit yourself through hours and years of repetition and hard work to achieving your goals?
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MIA for good cause...
1 hour ago
8 comments:
Chua definitely struck a chord with many readers, with a subject that people have their own passionate opinions about. And there lies the real story. There is no one way to effectively parent. Whatever works for our own personalities and families is the journey we will take.
I've only just become aware of this book/article...yeah, I know, I live in a cave. :)
I think as a parent I'm stricter than most, but nowhere near what Chua is reported as saying/believing. I suppose that's why Eastern culture baffles Westerners so much. Their values and methods are so vastly different, but it all comes under the banner of what is deemed love in that culture.
I don't know that I could survive in that culture because I haven't been raised in it. But if I had been raised in it, I wouldn't know any different.
The only standard I subscribe to is God's. His plan for parenting is fowl proof if you stick to it:)
I'm glad you wrote such a balanced piece about this, Georgiana. I too, wrote a piece on the article.
You bring up an interesting part of being an author--controversy sells books (You HAD to buy it--I totally understand!), but it also can be frightening. My heart goes out to this woman who is now receiving death threats and a nasty backlash.
Caught this item on the news. Most of it depends on the culture your raised in. Had this experience when I was studying karate. Some people seemed to embrace the martial art as a religion/way of life. Some of the teaching methods, Eastern in flavor, were foreign to my western mind.
As Erica stated, if this was the environment you grew up in, you wouldn't know any different
Thanks for commenting, ladies!
It's so true that when we grow up in a certain environment, we simply accept it.
The whole book reminded me of my high school friend (Chinese) who was raised quite similar to the way mentioned. I thought it was just her family, but to see how cultural it is has been an eye opener.
Fascinating. I hadn't heard of this book.
There's no Right way to parent. I feel for her kids on one level. On the other level, her children will value certain things that maybe Western children should value more. And the opposite is true. There are things Westerners value that I think Easterners should learn to value.
It comes down to priorities and the value we place on things. Interesting, and like others said, I feel bad for her for receiving death threats, etc. That's horrible.
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